some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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