yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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