Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
