Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
