Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
