dude i'm inner monologue high
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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