the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
