the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's shark week go big or go home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
