As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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