Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
