if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
