I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Someone shit on the floor
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
