thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
