Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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