very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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