When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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