That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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