if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
