very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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