i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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