Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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