do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
