I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
