is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
