if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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