All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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