I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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