Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
