Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
