Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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