we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
