Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize