Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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