there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
