Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
