i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
