That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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