If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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