I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
