so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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