I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
