She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
