Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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