there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
