If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just pee around me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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