You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
