and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
