Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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