I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
