You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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