"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
