i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
