if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
