I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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