a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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