nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
