we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
