im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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