Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize