Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
