Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
