He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
