Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
