sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize