But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
