shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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