My sheets look like a crime scene.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
