So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
