If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
