I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
